I’ve chatted with many people about how and what I do to maintain order in this Q House... yep that’s right we’re talking discipline. How do I keep Kai (and Jeff for that matter) in line?
I use a few strategies which are simple and occasionally effective!!
The Naughty Step (for Kai, not Jeff …that belongs in another post, on another blog!)
We use this for moments when self control is on holiday. Kai hits, punches, kicks or challenges my authority (ha- right!) In all seriousness, I use the bottom step of our stairs as a place where he can calm, refocus and get himself grounded. I often sit with him and help him calm. His job is to first breathe, then think about what he just did and when he’s ready, he can apologize. He has started to learn that this spot is not really somewhere he wants to be so apologizing happens fairly fast. Sometimes it takes up to 10 minutes but when he’s ready, he’ll say sorry.
Hint: He has to say what he’s sorry for e.g., yelling at Daddy, hitting Mommy with his undies or squishing Connor’s pudgy fingers under a toy.
Time for a Break (or "do you need a break?", "you need a break!", "we're taking a break!")
This can occur on the naughty step or in his room- but basically we re-phrase the tantrum or meltdown in terms of Kai “needing a break”. He needs to calm because he is amped up and he’s no longer able to calm himself down. He may not be appropriate for the naughty step because his screaming is disturbing me, Connor, Jeff or all 3 of us. ‘Time for a break’ is not popular with Kai but occasionally he will stay in his room with his blankie until he’s ready to face us again.
Outside Voice Outside
Yes this is what you’re thinking… when Kai uses his outside voice indoors, we head outside. This wasn’t well thought out when I started with it in August. It was a balmy +30 degrees and sunny most times I had to enforce this outside voice outside. It was actually pleasurable but now that it’s -30 degrees, we take like 20minutes to don our winter wear (myself included) whilst Kai continues to use his outdoor voice, only to get outside for 10seconds and he’s screaming to come back inside to use his indoor voice. Works like a charm, but requires consistent follow- through and stick-to-it-ness!!
NOTE: Do not follow Jeff’s lead which is to place Kai on the front porch without proper clothing and close the door until he begs to come back in (again usually 5-10seconds) but this is gonna get Child Services called on us! If you're our neighbours- please don't call Child Services!... please!
"Gentle Hands" and "Good Listening"
These are 2 phrases that I spend most of my day reinforcing. Kai understands both and can often tell me when I need to use my gentle hands or my good listening but of course a 3 year old has difficulty following his own advice! We talk about these 2 skills constantly and I also like to comment on these 2 skills randomly too- not just when it’s required but also when I see him using gentle hands and good listening. I also try to phrase things so he’s proud of himself not just proud to get my approval… praising boys is a real science.
This is how I restore order in the House of Q, at least for the next minute!
I use a few strategies which are simple and occasionally effective!!
The Naughty Step (for Kai, not Jeff …that belongs in another post, on another blog!)
We use this for moments when self control is on holiday. Kai hits, punches, kicks or challenges my authority (ha- right!) In all seriousness, I use the bottom step of our stairs as a place where he can calm, refocus and get himself grounded. I often sit with him and help him calm. His job is to first breathe, then think about what he just did and when he’s ready, he can apologize. He has started to learn that this spot is not really somewhere he wants to be so apologizing happens fairly fast. Sometimes it takes up to 10 minutes but when he’s ready, he’ll say sorry.
Hint: He has to say what he’s sorry for e.g., yelling at Daddy, hitting Mommy with his undies or squishing Connor’s pudgy fingers under a toy.
Time for a Break (or "do you need a break?", "you need a break!", "we're taking a break!")
This can occur on the naughty step or in his room- but basically we re-phrase the tantrum or meltdown in terms of Kai “needing a break”. He needs to calm because he is amped up and he’s no longer able to calm himself down. He may not be appropriate for the naughty step because his screaming is disturbing me, Connor, Jeff or all 3 of us. ‘Time for a break’ is not popular with Kai but occasionally he will stay in his room with his blankie until he’s ready to face us again.
Outside Voice Outside
Yes this is what you’re thinking… when Kai uses his outside voice indoors, we head outside. This wasn’t well thought out when I started with it in August. It was a balmy +30 degrees and sunny most times I had to enforce this outside voice outside. It was actually pleasurable but now that it’s -30 degrees, we take like 20minutes to don our winter wear (myself included) whilst Kai continues to use his outdoor voice, only to get outside for 10seconds and he’s screaming to come back inside to use his indoor voice. Works like a charm, but requires consistent follow- through and stick-to-it-ness!!
NOTE: Do not follow Jeff’s lead which is to place Kai on the front porch without proper clothing and close the door until he begs to come back in (again usually 5-10seconds) but this is gonna get Child Services called on us! If you're our neighbours- please don't call Child Services!... please!
"Gentle Hands" and "Good Listening"
These are 2 phrases that I spend most of my day reinforcing. Kai understands both and can often tell me when I need to use my gentle hands or my good listening but of course a 3 year old has difficulty following his own advice! We talk about these 2 skills constantly and I also like to comment on these 2 skills randomly too- not just when it’s required but also when I see him using gentle hands and good listening. I also try to phrase things so he’s proud of himself not just proud to get my approval… praising boys is a real science.
This is how I restore order in the House of Q, at least for the next minute!