For his birthday this past weekend he:
1. drove a couple of hours to Canmore, AB listening to me talk at him,
2. towed 2 kids behind his cross country skis and then,
3. ate a fantastic home cooked dinner which kept him up all night with such intense heartburn, he thought he was going to “die”.
“The worst pain of my life” he stated Sunday morning.
I think: clearly he’s male and never been pregnant. I had very little sympathy for him seeing that I endured 8 months of heart burn during my second pregnancy, taking a prescribed medication at the maximum dose just to tolerate ingesting any sort of food item. But back to Jeff…
This guy woke me in the dead of my sleep because he thought he was having a heart attack. He complained that the heart burn was so intense it was scorching his esophagus and causing “shooting pains into his jaw and frying his brain”. It was 3 am! Can you imagine how impressed I was?
I talked him through his self-medicating process on Sunday and here’s how it went: He didn’t know what the burning chest sensation was when he woke up at 2:30am so instead of stopping, feeling and thinking, he ate a sweet tasting citrus orange to soothe the fire in his chest (he thought he was hungry!).
Please note: There was NO milk drinking at this point!
Upon further Google searching he tried to find baking soda and then apple cider vinegar. Apparently the Solara Resort kitchen doesn’t stock these items, so he contemplated eating dry pancake batter for the baking soda before he ingested an apple as a substitute for apple cider vinegar...??? These are all excellent strategies for a pre-heartburn state but the apple further added to the acid burn… so he had a few sips of Homo milk, 6 tums and stood in our room for a couple hours because the burning was too much to handle when sitting or lying.
When he woke me to describe the enormous pain he was in he was ‘fit to be tied’, stressed right out! I slowly convinced him to sit at a 90 degree angle with eyes closed beside me in my king sized bed and try to relax. Finally the sleep overtook him and the burning …subsided?!
So, it wasn’t the kids keeping me up in our family suite at the Solara Resort, it was my 34 year old husband!
(It's been so much fun to poke at him about some 'minor' heart burn and keeping me up. But for the record, Jeffy I do know how brutal it is but it was too funny not to share.)