I’ve had to acknowledge the reality that I can’t stand a public peeing space myself. I never sit, I never touch any surface with my hands and I disinfect excessively following most occasions. So suffice to say that when I can control the situation, independently going to the washroom by myself, I am fine but I am a total raving, rule bound lunatic when it comes to using public washrooms with Kai.
Kai turns into some freaky, touch-every-surface and bump-into-everything kid whenever we enter ANY small toilet space. I have an anxiety attack whenever he says he has to “go pee pee” in public. I usually plead that he “just went”, or he’ll have to “hold it”, or suggest to him that maybe if he “ignores it, it will go away” but after 10seconds I come to my senses and the panic attack sets in. I realize that he hasn’t got the ability to control anything and the words patience, wait and ‘just hold it’ are completely lost on him!
So off we trot to the washroom. I lag behind and if Jeff’s around I opt to take care of Connor or make up an excuse about not being able to go… this usually works except when I’m on my own. Today I had Connor in my arms at the same time... so triple the anxiety up and you are close to understanding my irrational mind!
So upon entering the stall, I start by using an unusually stern tone, “DON’T touch anything” and then I say, “just stand there till I get you ready to pee”… I am beyond rational at this point and I am freaking out because those 10 little digits are reaching to explore some space that is technically not “touching” but it’s very close. He loves it…. from leaning on the toilet, to peeing in figure 8s, to reaching for toilet paper (which he doesn’t need but is another way to touch) and then the pants pull-up, as he bends forward his forehead becomes daringly close to the toilet seat … I am freaking OUT all the way.
Kai loves it… I hate it and I am shuddering, clenching jaw, shivering and stifling the need to scream – it’s insane! I am some kinda extreme, irrational germ-a-phobe! If it was considered socially acceptable I would have him peeing on the roadside every time… it seems way safer, with the only hazard being moving vehicles compared to the germ infested porcelain of public facilities.
The poor kid, he’s starting to understand that Mom is… “eccentric” when it comes to public facilities and this is all the more reason to break me down. He needs to go every outing and sometimes more than ONCE!!! It’s like he’s got his own version of graded exposure going on! I am just spent at end of any outing involving a visit to the public washroom. It’s enough to send me into hibernation.
So in the end we’re relatively healthy, there’s no apparent attack of germs and the only thing suffering is my sanity! But what else is new?
So there you have it… I freak out about public washrooms- I can’t be alone on this issue… am I?