I wrote this a while ago but never posted it... I should've because there's maybe a glimmer of hope for someone not sleeping...
FACT: There is a lot of talk about sleep anytime you have someone wearing diapers in your life.
TRUTHS:
- We think about it, stew about it, stress about it and covet it.
- We envy those "well rested" moms, those with babies that sleep in, those with babies that sleep for longer than 1 hour and those with babies who nap.
- We envy those with toddlers that still nap, those who nap AND go to bed before 10pm and those who sleep soundly 10-12 hours, (hell even 5 hours is sweet!).
- We discuss Ferberizing, co-sleeping and "sleep training" during play dates and if you live in Calgary, Kitty Raymond, is a name you've heard, paid money to hear or called at $2/minute to get sleep help. We are obsessed!
I've been thinking too much about this sleep "situation" and have decided to share what I think with any of my Mom-friends out there wondering AND reading this blog. So here's how I've been dealing with sleep in our house:
1. I embrace the fact that this is my job for the whole 12 months of parental leave. I have been hearing my friends repeat this back to me in recent conversations... I may have rubbed off on you! Excellent! But seriously, this is how I think of it at 3am. I always say, "this is my job right now!" Now I'm not always happy about it, come on... who really loves every aspect of their job? but I do think helping to reframe your mindset eases the blow of a sequential 12am, 3:30am and 5am wake ups!
2. Connor is telling me something about his needs. I am not always sure what Connor could possibly need with me at 12am and again at 3:30am but it's something...and I am trying very hard to listen, respond and act appropriately. Cursing, stomping, and large exaggerated arm movements are no stranger to my husband during these wake ups... but again I'm being responsive to Connor which is what I think is more important than my sleep.
3. This is such a short part of the rest of the journey. I know sleep is important, I know that I am cranky without it and I also know that I should've gone to bed when Connor did. So maybe I'm to blame but I also know that this waking up every 3.5 hours will be over soon and it will feel like a distant memory (the power of positive thinking!).
4. Burn the sleep books - follow your gut! I read a lot during Kai's early days; I started fretting too, promptly after reading page 1 or 2. I was convinced I was responsible for these wakeful periods and that I "screwed him up for life" - the blame game ensued! Then I did a gut check- okay, I checked with Jeff and then checked my gut and this felt way better. It felt better to respond to him versus "train" him to fall asleep on his own... "self soothe" on his own. I really just wanted to check on him when he called out for me. Yes, there are times when I try to ignore my gut, let Connor sort it out but if he doesn't sort it out within 10minutes and his cry changes tone... I respond. Sometimes I jab a sharp elbow at Jeff to get out of bed and respond but one of us responds and it usually ends when Connor sees one of us.
5. When you're done, you're done! This is for when I'm beside myself and want to crawl into the crib and cry right along with Connor. This is hormonally related and amplifies when I'm sleep deprived. I think: Do whatever you need to do to get sleep! The kid is not going to be spoiled, ruined or irreversibly altered (despite what the books say).
In addition I have also encountered many scenarios that I think impact what I have written above. Babies born pre-term have different needs, babies considered to be "high strung" or "spirited" may need additional supports and babies with a twin, or older sibling that is a unique sleeper may all need more than what I've got to offer. Lucky for them they aren't living in the House of Q!! My thoughts are based on the fact that I observe, read and think about this stuff way too much.
These are my thoughts... for today! subject to change tonight!
FACT: There is a lot of talk about sleep anytime you have someone wearing diapers in your life.
TRUTHS:
- We think about it, stew about it, stress about it and covet it.
- We envy those "well rested" moms, those with babies that sleep in, those with babies that sleep for longer than 1 hour and those with babies who nap.
- We envy those with toddlers that still nap, those who nap AND go to bed before 10pm and those who sleep soundly 10-12 hours, (hell even 5 hours is sweet!).
- We discuss Ferberizing, co-sleeping and "sleep training" during play dates and if you live in Calgary, Kitty Raymond, is a name you've heard, paid money to hear or called at $2/minute to get sleep help. We are obsessed!
I've been thinking too much about this sleep "situation" and have decided to share what I think with any of my Mom-friends out there wondering AND reading this blog. So here's how I've been dealing with sleep in our house:
1. I embrace the fact that this is my job for the whole 12 months of parental leave. I have been hearing my friends repeat this back to me in recent conversations... I may have rubbed off on you! Excellent! But seriously, this is how I think of it at 3am. I always say, "this is my job right now!" Now I'm not always happy about it, come on... who really loves every aspect of their job? but I do think helping to reframe your mindset eases the blow of a sequential 12am, 3:30am and 5am wake ups!
2. Connor is telling me something about his needs. I am not always sure what Connor could possibly need with me at 12am and again at 3:30am but it's something...and I am trying very hard to listen, respond and act appropriately. Cursing, stomping, and large exaggerated arm movements are no stranger to my husband during these wake ups... but again I'm being responsive to Connor which is what I think is more important than my sleep.
3. This is such a short part of the rest of the journey. I know sleep is important, I know that I am cranky without it and I also know that I should've gone to bed when Connor did. So maybe I'm to blame but I also know that this waking up every 3.5 hours will be over soon and it will feel like a distant memory (the power of positive thinking!).
4. Burn the sleep books - follow your gut! I read a lot during Kai's early days; I started fretting too, promptly after reading page 1 or 2. I was convinced I was responsible for these wakeful periods and that I "screwed him up for life" - the blame game ensued! Then I did a gut check- okay, I checked with Jeff and then checked my gut and this felt way better. It felt better to respond to him versus "train" him to fall asleep on his own... "self soothe" on his own. I really just wanted to check on him when he called out for me. Yes, there are times when I try to ignore my gut, let Connor sort it out but if he doesn't sort it out within 10minutes and his cry changes tone... I respond. Sometimes I jab a sharp elbow at Jeff to get out of bed and respond but one of us responds and it usually ends when Connor sees one of us.
5. When you're done, you're done! This is for when I'm beside myself and want to crawl into the crib and cry right along with Connor. This is hormonally related and amplifies when I'm sleep deprived. I think: Do whatever you need to do to get sleep! The kid is not going to be spoiled, ruined or irreversibly altered (despite what the books say).
In addition I have also encountered many scenarios that I think impact what I have written above. Babies born pre-term have different needs, babies considered to be "high strung" or "spirited" may need additional supports and babies with a twin, or older sibling that is a unique sleeper may all need more than what I've got to offer. Lucky for them they aren't living in the House of Q!! My thoughts are based on the fact that I observe, read and think about this stuff way too much.
These are my thoughts... for today! subject to change tonight!